SEASONING

SEASONING

by Audre Lorde

What am I ready to lose in this advancing summer?

As the days that seemed long

grow shorter and shorter

I want to chew up time

until every moment expands

in an emotional mathematic

that includes the smell and texture

of every similar instant since I was born.

But the solstice is passing

my mouth stumbles

crammed with crib sheets and flowers

dime store photographs

of loving in stages

choked by flinty nuggets of old friends

undigested enemies

preserved sweet and foul in their lack

of exposure to sunlight.

Thundereggs of myself

ossify in the buttonholes

of old recalled lovers

who all look like rainbows

stretching across other summers

to the pot of gold

behind my own eyes.

As the light wanes

I see

what I thought I was anxious to surrender

I am only willing to lend

and reluctance covers my face

as I glue up my lips with the promise

of coming winter.